Always Falling

Is the unknown a place to be feared? Or does it contain everything we need?

A dozen years ago, I interviewed a young mother with stage 4 melanoma about the nature of wellbeing. She had discovered her cancer during the birth of her first child, who was three years old when we spoke. While her ongoing treatment had been grueling and her prognosis uncertain at best, she told me that she knew she was fine, and would be fine, even if she died.

She said that when she first learned of her cancer, she saw herself standing on the precipice of the now, facing the dark, ominous face of her future. It took strength and courage to keep stepping off; and she certainly didn’t welcome falling.

Before cancer, stepping over the edge scared her.  Her belief in her future held her fears of the unknown at bay: raising her child, enjoying her marriage and her work, plus a bucket list of dreams for after her children grew up and when she retired. These comforting sandcastles of her hoped-for future crumbled in a flash when she learned she had cancer.

But a short distance down her journey with cancer, she had an insight into her true nature. She realized that no matter what the future held,  her wellbeing and her love and connection to her loved ones couldn’t be touched by death or disease. When she next looked over the cliff, her fear was gone. She saw that there was no cliff, there had never been one.

She realized that she had always been falling.

What she saw freed her, in the midst of her treatment, to create a life and make choices which would have been unimaginable before her insight. It was all falling.

Sounds scary, doesn’t it?

But what if you knew you couldn’t get hurt? That a net was always there to catch you, break your fall, and guide you? Would you still be afraid?

What would you do with your life if you understood that life had your back? Would you lean into it? How might an understanding like hers serve you? What if the darkness wasn’t filled with fear, but a space filled with endless possibilities and guidance, waiting for you to step into its embrace?

We are always falling, being caught and held, whether we see it not.

I have also been fortunate to see the essence of made of I’m made of is greater than anything life can throw in my path. When I forget, which I do daily, I see the cliff and the fear feels real. Until I remember.

We are always being caught. We will always be held.

Take the step.

Fall.